mothering

I know that arrogant smile

I have heard that sentence before “you’ll understand when you become a mother”

let’s ignore personal autonomy

let’s ignore sensitivity

and fertility

and mental health

let’s ignore the assumption

that we all tick the same boxes

for self-actualisation

tell me

when

do I become a mother?

when

I give birth?

when

I am legally responsible of a child?

when

I raise the child to 18?

when

I prioritise one above all else?

when I financially support one?

when

I hold one through

bonebreaks

and heartbreaks

and mentalbreaks?

or is it only

when

I traumatise one

for lack of time

or money

or will

for lack of power

to fix myself

to fix the society

to fix the earth?

I don’t think you'd be willing to understand me

even if I become the person you’d call a mother

I am mothering the child within

teaching her emotional regulation

self-preservation

and compassion

I am mothering your kids from a distance

fighting for human rights

environmental ethics

cultural understanding

inclusivity and accessibility

I am mothering you

letting you make your own mistakes

drawing clear boundaries

giving you my vulnerability and honesty

loving you

hearing you

seeing you I am not less I am not more just because the world cannot see

the mother

in me